Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
