He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
