Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
