Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
