If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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