fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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