just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
