the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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