It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
