Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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