It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
