i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
