you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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