I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
