so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
