Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just invented taco cereal.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
