Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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