I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
