A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
grandma shit on top of the toilet
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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