Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
