she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
