Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
