you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You've changed since you got that strap on
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Randomize
