So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
