Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
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