I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
