somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
