i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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