Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
