Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I puked a lego.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
