Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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