First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I booty called her while she was in labor.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize