i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
