i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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