he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
