weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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