I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
