Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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