I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
