I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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