Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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