Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
