the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Randomize
