Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
