one two three fourrrrnication!
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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