So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize