i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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