Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
