How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
