if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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