Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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