fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
