I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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