Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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