I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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