Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I think i got beer on your cat.
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