I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
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