So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
