i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
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