After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
