New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
