for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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