The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
