You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
