I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
