my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
