Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
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I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
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I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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