I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
