So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
