Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
