btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize