I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
