I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
