I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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