my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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