the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
