Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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