dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Need sex. Gaining weight.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
