she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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