Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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