roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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