watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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